la vie et les temps du toxic panacea...

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Friday, January 3rd, 2003

12:53 pm
I've been a post whore the past couple days...let's not end the inanity there, though!

Which of your LJ friends...Collapse )

While I'm at it, hooray for anonymous people with a poor grasp of the English language and drama queens.
Mood:    indifferent
(49 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

12:32 am
Mmm, I simply must have this! Such a rare collector's piece. :)

I'm officially a Stargate addict. I wonder if there is some sort of twelve step program for people like me.

Rogers: You are all casualties until 1400 hours.
O'Neill: Would that be Daylight Savings or Standard?

Such rapier wit! :) From the former MacGyver, no less. Delectable.
Mood:    tired
(1 sweet nothing | whisper to me)

Thursday, January 2nd, 2003

1:51 pm
I ended up in someone's front yard on the way home from work today! Yes! (Not entirely surprising as I only have 3 good tires on my car and the roads were ludicrously treacherous this afternoon.) However, I stopped about five feet short of becoming one with their tree, so that's always a plus.

The person behind me crossing the Union Street bridge spun out and ended up straddling the median. :\ I didn't have anywhere to stop to see if I could help (nor do I have a phone to call anyone) so I'm stuck here crossing my fingers hoping they made it out okay.

I'm really glad I'm not scheduled to work tomorrow, though I'm supposed to stop by around five am to make sure the opener is there (since she was ill today). But if the roads don't improve, I don't know if I'll make it. :\

I hate snow. Pretty, but treacherous.
Mood:    worried
(10 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Wednesday, January 1st, 2003

2:41 pm  -  Out with the old, in with the new...but still more of the same.
I can say without hyperbole that 2002 was easily the worst year of my life.

This one doesn't seem intent on starting off any better.

Car woes...Collapse )

2002 is over, but I get the distinct feeling 2003 isn't going to hold much more for me. I am done with my job hunt, and a fast food worker I'll remain. I guess I just don't have the fight in me anymore. That which primarily makes me unhirable (and undesirable) isn't going to change.

I'm sure Mommy and Daddy are just so proud at how I'm using my college education. (If they even know what I'm doing, they might not.) That thought is only mildly disconcerting, as I'm certain they wouldn't be proud even if I were successful. That I'm not merely takes away some of the sting.

Besides, I'm disappointed enough in myself for the three of us.
Mood:    cold

Saturday, December 28th, 2002

5:04 pm
Someone (anonymously) sent me 10 lbs of popcorn!

It's delicious and wonderful and I wish I knew who it was so I could thank them. :D

[crunch, crunch] Mmmmmm.

Off to dinner, and then to Jessica's to watch Stargate! An evening fraught with geekdom and good times. And popcorn. :)
Mood:    okay
(3 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Thursday, December 26th, 2002

8:09 pm  -  Reluctant sojourn across the icy tundra...
Woe is me.

My (moderately) ill-fated evening of errands...Collapse )

However, the evening is not a total waste, as I made a new style for my friends list...and I have a new icon! Oh yeah! :)
Mood:    mischievous
(4 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Tuesday, December 24th, 2002

12:44 pm
I heard this song when I was driving around very much reminds me of him. I used to say "hey now" all the time when we first met, and he'd start singing this song (since that preceded the Smashmouth song that inevitably would result now). I still have it on my computer. The thing brought up so many memories, but for once, it made me happy, and not sad.

I'm finally healing. I may be lonely, but I'm not alone. Reading someone's journal today (I'm not going to say whose) made me realize how lucky I was am to have dated someone so wonderful...that never meant to hurt me and still wants to be friends despite my erratic (and dare I say, bitchy) behavior since the breakup. I'd do anything to have him back...but it's not worth it to lose him as a friend.

I submitted my resume to a bunch of websites today, though I'm running out of places to post that fine piece of kindling. :P Less than two months until eviction, but I'm doing my best to stay positive.

Merry Christmas and all that. :) [fidget]

I really wish some people would do the whole Christmas thing and come back already, I'm bored out of my skin. There's only so much literati I can play here, people. :P
Mood:   convalescing...and BORED :)
(10 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Monday, December 23rd, 2002

2:41 pm
I feel good today. [dance]

It seems, therefore, that I'm as fickle as ever. Highs and lows, lows and highs. I always seem to feel best right after I feel worst. Maybe it's just the relativity...feeling less lousy therefore equates to walking on air. Whatever the reason, I'm enjoying my improved outlook...and doubtless, so is anyone that has to cross my path. :)

I adore Monday night television. Stargate from 7-11 does quite a bit to improve my mood (plus there's Star Trek from 11-12). Delightful.

I'd be watching M*A*S*H right now, but it was pushed back to make room for some crappy FX movie. The two hours I watched this morning will just have to tide me over for a bit. So I'm watching the Brady Bunch. [hangs head in shame]

Incidentally, I'm terrifically bored and I need a project, preferably one that involves programming in some way. I'd make another webpage, but I can't think of any content...I'd change my journal style but I just made this one! :)

Hrmm. Off to think of something (remotely) productive to do! Or at least something that will kill a few hours until the decent television comes on. ;)
Mood:    bored
(4 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Wednesday, December 18th, 2002

6:32 pm  -  Whether the weather is hot...
I bundled myself up and stepped outside today, bracing myself for the inevitable bite of arctic air...

...and it never came.

It was nearly 60 degrees today. In Indiana. In December. [blink]

I'm not complaining, mind you! It was splendid. I even rolled down the windows in my car, just because I could.

Now if it would only storm...

Off to dinner and then Lord of the Rings.
Mood:    pleased
(10 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Monday, December 16th, 2002

8:54 pm
(Finally) changed my journal is quite boring, but functional, and definitely not as...loud? If you didn't see it before, close your eyes and picture how a blue and green disco ball would look if you had vertigo. :)

I haven't been online much lately, nor have I felt like being so. Just in a "bleh" sort of mood that doesn't seem to be lifting. That could have to do with a lot of things, but I'm not really in the mood to conjecture.

At least Stargate is back on Monday nights. Rawr.
Mood:    tired
(18 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Thursday, December 12th, 2002

7:35 pm
I finished my game! :)

In my spare time, I'd been writing a text adventure to keep me occupied, and I uploaded it today! If you wanna play it you can find it here.

So far it definitely works best in 1024x768 resolution and better. I have plans to make it work for other resolutions, but that's going to take more work than I planned so...that is going to have to wait a bit. :)

Oh, and incidentally...I didn't know what to name it...

Poll #83252 Name my Game! :)

What should I call this game? :) (be nice!)

Mood:    accomplished
(6 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Saturday, December 7th, 2002

8:42 pm  -  Stability is stagnation and I am not your rock...
I am starting to get a bit antsy again. I used to think that I would be happiest if my life were stable and predictable, but I don't think that's what I want anymore. I'm not happy with the way things are going, but I've grown much too complacent to do anything about it.

It's very frustrating.

I'm frustrated with myself, and I'm frustrating those around me. Nothing is more exasperating than someone who is miserable and doesn't do anything about it. I've convinced myself that anything I do is going to fail anyway, and even knowing that's no excuse for extended apathy isn't doing nearly enough to get me off my ass.

On the plus side, my neighborhood looks fairly Christmasy. And snowless, of which I approve. Snow looks pretty enough, I just don't enjoy driving or trudging through it.

In summary, big thumbs-up to Christmas decorations and goodwill and cheer. Emphatic thumbs-down to apathy.
Mood:    listless
(5 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002

1:38 pm

What Flavour Are You? I taste like Nuclear Waste. Delicious.I taste like Nuclear Waste. Delicious.

Tasting like nuclear waste is a good thing - nothing bites me, nothing eats me, few things even touch me. I appreciate the solitude my harsh exterior brings. What Flavour Are You?

If your hair and teeth are falling out and you're growing a second head, that's probably my fault. Sorry. :)
(7 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Saturday, November 30th, 2002

9:51 pm
Dearest, dearest city of Lafayette, Indiana:

I forgave you your fickle, unpredictable weather. And I forgave you for emptying the dumpster just outside my window by dropping it from roughly two stories up (at eight in the morning).

But blowing up houses? Tsk. This is a few blocks from my apartment building. Nothing like knowing your city starts its own explosions.

"...the operation came to a halt after the excavator tore away the home's gas meter, and its one-inch service line unexpectedly began spewing natural gas.
'It was missed; that's all I can tell you,' Fire Chief Jim Morrow said of the live gas line, the stress of the past two days showing in his tone."

If my carelessness had endangered a whole neighborhood, I imagine I'd be a bit overwrought myself. :\

I'd always thought I heard a lot of sirens because I live somewhat near the fire station. I had no idea it was because Lafayette has such an unquenchable thirst for arson.

For shame.
Mood:    uncomfortable
(5 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Wednesday, November 27th, 2002

11:42 pm

...I realized people *can* fall out of love.
...I realized I'm therefore not a person.
...I drank the night sky through a straw and spit out the stars one by one.
...I saw myself as the perpetrator of a thousand crimes rather than the victim of just two.
...I felt an apology rising in my throat, but then realized I had no one left to give it to.
...feels like it might last forever.
...I wished I weren't alone...
                                               ...and realized why I am.

And what then, of tomorrow?
Mood:    indescribable

Monday, November 25th, 2002

11:19 am  -  Dear me...
This is rather distressing.

lol, you have to give her credit for being inventive, anyway. But surely there must be a safer, easier way...?

Not to mention that I'm willing to bet Slim-Fast tastes a little better.

This is rather amusing too. Instead of getting anything remotely productive done today, I think I'll just sit here and enjoy the marvels of the internet. :) Productivity be damned.
Mood:    amused
(18 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Sunday, November 24th, 2002

9:16 pm  -  Things I've learned watching four consecutive hours of Star Trek...
1. If there is an away team with no main characters, they will all die. Furthermore, this death will be a painful and horrible one.

2. Similarly, if there is an away team comprised of both main characters and extras, the hapless extras will meet with unfortunate ends while the main characters escape with cuts and bruises, soon easily mended with a tricorder.

3. Travelling through space is rather reminiscent of a Windows 95 screen saver, except:
a) you can't adjust the star frequency
b) you run the distinct risk of coming across an alien race with a complete lack of fashion sense and bad haircuts

4. When saying the words "engage" or "make it so", a camera will come from nowhere in order to get an extreme close up of your face. In the case of "engage", it is absolutely imperative that you raise your right hand and point forward. A bad French accent is a plus, though not essential.

5. All important moral lessons are accompanied by a swell of orchestral music.
Mood:    dorky
(8 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Tuesday, November 19th, 2002

11:53 am
Happy birthday, zoidal!!!! :D
(whisper to me)

Friday, November 15th, 2002

11:47 am
Long day yesterday!

Worked 7-5 and dragged myself home. Talked to Jessica and we decided to go swimming. Showered and dragged myself to the co-rec. We swam, somewhat more than last time, and didn't talk about going commando. ;)

While there, I learned that it was Matt's birthday and they were going to the Cactus to celebrate. (Neon Cactus = local bar. Classy joint, in case you couldn't tell by the name.) ;) The Cactus has this room where this charming fellow they call the "piano man" (how inventive) proceeds to sing and play songs and make fun of people. Well, Jessica and I got called out because we weren't singing along. So we had to stand up on our chairs and since I still wouldn't sing the rest of the room had a rousing chorus of calling me dirty words. ;) lol it was all in good fun and I had a good time, actually...even though I loathe public humiliation. I do a good enough job of embarassing myself, I don't need to pay someone else for the privilege. ;)

I left somewhat early because I was exhausted, dragged myself back here and went to bed.

On tap for today: More swimming, and Harry Potter. If I can somehow convince my legs to start working again. :)
Mood:    sore
(3 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Tuesday, November 12th, 2002

7:01 am
Taco Bell last night was delectable...TB never disappoints! However, they have a sign hanging on the wall behind the register, just under the menus, that I found somewhat distressing.

Proudly displayed in large, capital, bold-faced letters:

Well, I'll be darned, do you really? I should *hope* so. That they felt the need to reassure me actually undermined my confidence. Would you go to a surgeon that had a sign on his OR reading: "WE STERILIZE OUR INSTRUMENTS"? Would you solicit a "woman of the night" (humor me on this one) if she wore a sign that said: "I DO NOT HAVE ANY STDs...ESPECIALLY NOT HERPES"? No, I thought not.

Of course, none of this kept me from snarfing down my two taco supremes as soon as they hit the tray. But that went without saying. ;)
Mood:    sick
(3 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Monday, November 11th, 2002

7:15 pm  -  Random musings...
Went swimming at the co-rec with Jessica today, for the first time in a long time. Months of sitting in front of the computer stuffing my face seems to have taken its toll...who'd have thought? While there I realized something: why is it the girls exercising there are the ones that don't need to be? I swear no one I saw today (except when I had the misfortune of passing a mirror) wore greater than a size four. Humph. And here I am, shakin' all that junk in the trunk.

I can at least take small comfort in the fact that the sight of me in a swimsuit probably gave someone nightmares. ;)

But I digress. Indiana is *supposedly* the fattest state, and the one with the most rampant heart disease or something (which would make sense to have those two correlate). So why aren't all those people at the co-rec? Because it would make me feel better, that's why. :P

After that sorry display, Jess and I were walking back to the car, talking about, of all things, "going commando". And I happened to be saying (in my loud way), "I don't understand *how* people can go without wearing underwear," when I realized there were two guys standing right there, both of whom sharply turned their heads. Refusing to settle for just looking a *little bit* like an ass, I had to turn to them and say, "Yeah, hi there."

They didn't even answer. :)

Time to go get some Taco Bell (and replenish any calories I *might* have burned, and then some) and watch Jessica do laundry. :P
Mood:    sore
(16 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Monday, November 4th, 2002

9:35 pm
Fun with Googlisms!

10 of my favorites:
stacy is crazy
- Uh huh.

stacy is dirty
- You know it. ;)

stacy is taking off her sweater and exposing her nipples to the cold air
- ...I am...WHAT?

stacy is a joke
- [sob] Don't I know it.

stacy is in primary colors
- I am strictly red, yellow, and blue.

stacy is the 1
- Yes, but the 1 what?

stacy is finer than any other diva ever
- Like, totally.

stacy is not the easiest thing for me to do
- Well, of course not! I mean, I have standards...

stacy is driven to find the owner of the unusual blood
- It consumes my every thought.

And my all-time favorite...
stacy is powered by 3 892 turbo charged diesels providing 1800 hp for more fishing and less riding
- Anyone that knows me can tell you, I'm all about the more fishing and less riding! Um, yeah. ;)
Mood:    amused
(3 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

9:07 am  -  Fun with roommates...
Ah, dorm life.

Deamonizer42 (8:54:59 AM): i have to wonder what my rommie was dreaming about last night. in the middle of the night, he mumbled out "when i touch there, i touch...", and as if that isn't funny enough, at came out almost like he was singing it :-)
atroposmoirae (8:55:10 AM): lol

Nothing funny like that ever happened to me when I lived in the dorms! One of my roommates would grind her teeth in her sleep, and another one would flail about like she was drowning. I get the distinct feeling I missed out. :)
Mood:    amused
(5 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Sunday, November 3rd, 2002

7:57 am
In a much better mood today. 10 hours of sleep and a few hours of just general idleness seemed to do the trick. I'm fickle, what can I say? :)

As I have a lot of free time coming up, I intend to play a considerable amount of Diablo II and watch a lot of M*A*S*H and just relax in general. And maybe read. :) I got Cat's Cradle when I walked to the library last week, and I have yet to get a chance to break into it.

Delicious idleness...this is how weekends are *supposed* to be spent. :)
Mood:   idle-wild
(7 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Saturday, November 2nd, 2002

11:42 am
Worked only a few hours this morning. That was kind of nice. I really need the money, but I can't bring myself to work enough to make it. [shrug] I'm deluding myself if I think I'm going to get a job anytime soon, it seems. I did end up sending my resume to that one company like I said I was going to, and the person never wrote me back. Which is just as well, as it saves me the trouble of botching the interview. Heh.

It'd be kind of nice if, just once, I would do something right. Or if something would turn out right even if I do it wrong.

No such luck so far.
Mood:    frustrated

Friday, November 1st, 2002

8:46 pm
Mmm, impending weekend. Hooray.

Jessica is having a Halloween party tonight, and I debated stopping by for a bit, but I don't think I'm going to. First of all, I don't have a costume. She assured me a lot of people wouldn't, but I'd still feel kind of silly. What's the point of going to a Halloween party if you don't dress up? Secondly, I have to work fairly early tomorrow, and as I haven't gotten much sleep lately, I'm rather tired. There's a thirdly, but I don't feel much like talking about it. :) Those two reasons will suffice, right?

I was an hour late for work this morning. I read the schedule wrong and thought I was supposed to be there at seven instead of six. Yay, go me. Later this afternoon when I got home from work, I found out Linda called me last night to ask if I could be there at five since the opener was sick. Not only did I not go in to help out, I was even late for my own shift. Not to mention the fact that we were really busy most of the morning and I don't make food nearly fast enough to keep up. So in short, today has been one long, extended example of "why Stacy sucks" (subtitled - "and not in the good way").

I'm not feeling nearly as negative as I sound, I don't think. Just somewhat apathetic. And I'm sort of tired and cranky, so I'll end this now before I start saying things I won't mean eight hours of sleep later.
Mood:    tired
(1 sweet nothing | whisper to me)

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002

1:33 pm
Walked to the library today. A pleasant jaunt, if a bit cold, for which I was inadequately prepared. Inadequacy seems to be a trait of mine of late.

I took a warm bath and read some of my acquisitions, during which I decided that if I ever own my own home (a big if, it would seem), I would paint the ceiling and walls as the night sky, to be lit only by candlelight (soft and impractical).

I am comfortable (yet unhappy) in this place. I am not so much unhappy on a day-to-day basis, I don't allow myself to contemplate things as much as I used to. Therefore I am not less unhappy, just more oblivious to it. I maintain little hope that I will ever be anything more than a fast food worker.

I maintain little hope for anything at all.

However, I do maintain the ability to pretend that none of this is true. And that's all anyone really needs...never mind what you hear to the contrary.
Mood:    contemplative

Wednesday, October 16th, 2002

3:25 pm  -  Nutritious, delicious poll-y goodness!
Go on, take it. It's like Vitamin C for the soul. Yeah. :)

What is your favorite book?

What is your favorite TV show?

How do you eat an Oreo?

Who was the best Bond?

Roger Moore
George Lazenby
Timothy Dalton
Terence Cooper
Sean Connery
Pierce Brosnan

If you could have been born in any year, in what year would you have like to been born and why?


Bad kitty!
Meep...[slinks away]
Go away.
(4 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Tuesday, October 15th, 2002

6:33 pm  -  Random musings....
Fairly uneventful day. Of course, given the way some of my days have been going lately, "uneventful" is a bit of an improvement. :)

When listening to the radio in my car this afternoon, it was shortly made apparent that the airwaves were participating in some sort of cabalistic John Mayer orgy. No matter how often I changed the radio station, it was never more than a few minutes before I again heard his vexatious voice howling about his senior prom or other such things. Not that I have any particular problem with John Mayer (or his music), but after having seen his music videos one is forced to conclude that he is surely one of Death's minions come to lead us to the underworld through song. His hellacious influence is already made apparent in this horrendous piece of text that passes itself off as a FFX songfic.***

I was doing laundry in my apartment this evening upon which I happened to read the text printed on the inside of the washer door. Under "Problem solving", it says the following: "BE SURE WASHER IS FIRM TO FLOOR WITH RUBBER FOOT PADS IN PLACE AND JAM NUTS TIGHT." While I'm not exactly sure what that means, it sounds vaguely sexual and highly masochistic, and I have made tenative plans to get to know my washer better to see just what else it has printed on it. ;)

In other news, I realized today that the key to my apartment has part of the street address and my apartment number engraved on it. [blink] That, to me, seems like a bad idea. Good to know that if I lose my keys I stand a fair chance of being looted. :P

*** - Having absolutely NO artistic talent whatsoever, I do hesitate to mock anyone's literary endeavors. It has come to my attention that this fic is a parody of other bad fics...thereby making it okay to laugh at it! Yay. For the sake of my conscience, I was forced to assume that fic was a joke, and luckily I was right.

I came across the link in prositen's journal a while back. :)
Mood:    amused
(1 sweet nothing | whisper to me)

2:08 pm
Brand spankin' new webpage! It certainly doesn't rock the party that rocks the party or anything, but it makes do in what little way it can, with my *very* humble HTML knowledge.

That's my big accomplishment for the day, other than getting internet at home, of course.

Cable TV and internet. [drools] What more could I want?

Don't answer that. :)
Mood:    accomplished
(5 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Tuesday, October 8th, 2002

3:43 pm
I took my car to get the oil changed today. Turns out almost all of the fluids were low (transmission, brake, radiator, etc). They topped off all of those and cleaned the fuel injectors and my car sounds and runs a *lot* better. So I'm somewhat less apprehensive about tomorrow.

Okay, I'm getting ready to take this thing apart and shut it might be a while before I find a place/get internet access, but I'll be around.

Catch ya on the flip side. :)
Mood:   anticipatory
(3 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Tuesday, October 1st, 2002

11:46 pm
This is nuts. I didn't believe it, but my brother tested it in photoshop. :) Both colors have the same hexidecimal value: #6B6B6B.

I think my world was just turned upside-down. And shaken about a little. :)
Mood:    shocked
(7 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Friday, September 27th, 2002

6:18 pm  -  Eek....
This is all manners of disturbing. For one thing, that's my friend's apartment complex.

"After a daylong siege, the city dropped a bomb from a helicopter, touching off a fire that destroyed an entire block..."

Wait a minute. Cities can drop bombs?


"Hey Jim-Bob, how long has this siege been going on?"
"Err, I reckon about a day now?"
"Those anarchists have been in there the whole day!?"
"Yeah, we just can't seem to get in there. We done tried askin' real nice, and everything."
"Hmmm. I know it's in the middle of the city block and all, but why don't we just drop a bomb on them?"
"[spits] That done sound good to me."

What the hell?

Incidentally, I had no idea that Philadelphia was such a hub for anarchy...
Mood:    indescribable
(whisper to me)

Thursday, September 26th, 2002

11:01 am  -  Random thoughts...
I'm in a relatively good mood today. The exact reason for this escapes me somewhat. Very little, if anything, has changed...and yet...things don't seem so bleak. I'm rather fickle that way, though.

It's raining out, which is lovely...but I do fervently wish for a thunderstorm. A violent, lashing one, with much wind, lightning, and thunder. Yes.

I need to change my webpage, because people on Yahoo ask me when Stevie and I are getting married. Ouch. I have another webpage on my computer already, but I haven't gotten around to putting it up instead of that old one. Oh well, I think it's going to be purged from their servers in a couple weeks anyway.

Commercials are still stupid.
Mood:    cold
(10 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

Wednesday, September 25th, 2002

3:13 pm  -  Nicked from sachmet....
This is fun. I like stacking sound effects.

Another uneventful day. Ho hum and all that. I thought...I don't know, I thought if I took some time off from everything and just reflected on things that I'd be able to resolve some of them. That'd I'd eventually be able to start looking for a job again and move on. That doesn't seem to be happening. The more I dwell, the more I fester, it seems. And there doesn't seem to be anything that can distract me anymore.

[wallow, wallow...mope, mope, mope]
Mood:    blah
(2 sweet nothings | whisper to me)

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