toxic panacea

atroposmoirae @ 2003-01-03T12:53:00

2003-01-03T17:55:48Z

I've been a post whore the past couple days...let's not end the inanity there, though!

Which of your LJ friends...

...was born the same year as you?
meekybabes, stevietodd, idiotinblu, booffiegirl, stevietodd, tbncirce, zoidal

...is the oldest?
cheekywench? I think?

...is the youngest?
7yearbitch

...live in the same country as you?
All of them except for angelstorm, bumlicker, cheekywench, igneouskitten, lovemei, marc_t_84, meekybabes, mrswalkingman, neon_princess, pharmboy, prositen, thewalkingman, vendrin, and vincybel.

...live in the same city as you?
zachere, excidiun, purplefennec, and hurtjonnegut.

...do you know in real life?
excidiun, idiotinblu, purplefennec, stevietodd, zachere, zoidal

...have you lived with?
stevietodd and excidiun

...have you known (of) or had on your friends list for the longest length of time?
zachere, of course! :)

...have you known (of) or had on your friends list for the shortest length of time?
vincent_kahrune

...do you think you know the most about?
stevietodd, zachere, excidiun, veuki, maliceshaw, zoidal, idiotinblu, purplefennec

...do you think you know the least about?
vincent_kahrune and dying_starlight

...do you often chat to online (other than LJ comments)?
Often? Most often would be stevietodd, zachere, purplefennec, excidiun, idiotinblu, and teknotus.

...do you exchange e-mails with on a regular basis?
Probably only purplefennec. Fairly regularly with veuki and stevietodd too.

...do you trust?
All of them to some degree! :) Most: zachere, purplefennec, idiotinblu, zoidal, veuki.

...do you admire?
All of them.

...do you think are the best looking?
zachere, stevietodd, purplefennec, veuki, hollywood

...do you think is the smartest?
zoidal, stevietodd, zachere, nonexistent...and though it PAINS me to admit it...excidiun. I'll never be saying THAT again so take note. ;)

...do you think are the wackiest?
zachere, veuki, maliceshaw, and of course stevietodd...he EPITOMIZES wacky. :)

...have made you cry?
Several. You may be able to guess (one is fairly obvious).

...have you had an argument with?
Almost all of them. :)

...have you talked to on the phone?
excidiun, purplefennec, stevietodd, zachere, zoidal, veuki

...would you like to meet in real life, but haven't yet?
Everyone I haven't met. :) Most of all veuki, maliceshaw, teknotus, slickidiot, snarble, and xoder.

...have you hugged?
excidiun, idiotinblu, purplefennec, stevietodd, zachere, zoidal

...have you kissed?
stevietodd...and maybe excidiun when I was young? (Not in a romantic way, people...Indiana isn't THAT rural.)

...have you ever eaten a meal with?
excidiun, idiotinblu, purplefennec, stevietodd, zachere, zoidal

...have you watched a movie with?
excidiun, idiotinblu, purplefennec, stevietodd, zachere, zoidal

While I'm at it, hooray for anonymous people with a poor grasp of the English language and drama queens.

atroposmoirae @ 2003-01-03T00:32:00

2003-01-03T05:34:50Z

Mmm, I simply must have this! Such a rare collector's piece. :)

I'm officially a Stargate addict. I wonder if there is some sort of twelve step program for people like me.

Rogers: You are all casualties until 1400 hours.
O'Neill: Would that be Daylight Savings or Standard?

Such rapier wit! :) From the former MacGyver, no less. Delectable.

atroposmoirae @ 2003-01-02T13:51:00

2003-01-02T19:00:25Z

I ended up in someone's front yard on the way home from work today! Yes! (Not entirely surprising as I only have 3 good tires on my car and the roads were ludicrously treacherous this afternoon.) However, I stopped about five feet short of becoming one with their tree, so that's always a plus.

The person behind me crossing the Union Street bridge spun out and ended up straddling the median. :\ I didn't have anywhere to stop to see if I could help (nor do I have a phone to call anyone) so I'm stuck here crossing my fingers hoping they made it out okay.

I'm really glad I'm not scheduled to work tomorrow, though I'm supposed to stop by around five am to make sure the opener is there (since she was ill today). But if the roads don't improve, I don't know if I'll make it. :\

I hate snow. Pretty, but treacherous.

Out with the old, in with the new...but still more of the same.

2003-01-01T19:41:55Z

I can say without hyperbole that 2002 was easily the worst year of my life.

This one doesn't seem intent on starting off any better.

Monday night when driving home from Jessica's, my car got a flat (again). Different tire, and luckily not one of the ones I just bought, or I'd be furious. As it is, I'm only mildly enraged. I couldn't get the tire off so I was wrestling with my car (in the mud at midnight) a good half hour before I gave up and decided I just needed to try to drive it home...a rather risky proposition seeing as to how the road is somewhat curvy and the speed limit is 50 mph...I couldn't go more than 10 mph without the car shaking uncontrollably. (State Road 43, for those of you in the know.)

It wasn't too bad, as I was careful to note when someone was coming and swerve off the road as much as I could to allow them to pass. Slow going, but not too painful. Eventually a girl pulled alongside me and asked if she could help. We pulled off the road and tried again to take the lug nuts off, but to no avail. Eventually two guys stopped, but they couldn't pry them off either! (All of which made me feel better at not being able to budge them, but didn't help my situation any.) Eventually a cop stops with some fancier implements (minds out of the gutter, people), but all told it still takes him a good 15 minutes of STOMPING on his lug wrench to loosen the lug nuts. So now I have a donut on there, but I need to buy new tires. That donut has been much abused already, so I don't know how long it's going to hold. But hey, I didn't like driving faster than 30 mph anyway.

New tires = money I don't have, but that's what credit cards are for, I guess. For some unknown reason the tire place was closed yesterday so I guess I'll try again tomorrow. I know it was New Year's Eve and all, but I went at 11 am, and I sort of expected them to be open. Oh well.

2002 is over, but I get the distinct feeling 2003 isn't going to hold much more for me. I am done with my job hunt, and a fast food worker I'll remain. I guess I just don't have the fight in me anymore. That which primarily makes me unhirable (and undesirable) isn't going to change.

I'm sure Mommy and Daddy are just so proud at how I'm using my college education. (If they even know what I'm doing, they might not.) That thought is only mildly disconcerting, as I'm certain they wouldn't be proud even if I were successful. That I'm not merely takes away some of the sting.

Besides, I'm disappointed enough in myself for the three of us.

atroposmoirae @ 2002-12-28T17:04:00

2002-12-28T22:05:23Z

Someone (anonymously) sent me 10 lbs of popcorn!

It's delicious and wonderful and I wish I knew who it was so I could thank them. :D

[crunch, crunch] Mmmmmm.

Off to dinner, and then to Jessica's to watch Stargate! An evening fraught with geekdom and good times. And popcorn. :)

Reluctant sojourn across the icy tundra...

2002-12-27T01:07:46Z

Woe is me.

Much to my dismay, I was forced to leave my apartment tonight to go pay rent and put gas in my car. I hate driving in the winter, but didn't have much choice since the needle on my gas gauge was already hovering over empty. Mounting my trusty steed (read: climbing into my ice-hating, battle-weary Nissan Sentra), I bravely navigated the poorly-plowed roads to destination #1...

The gas station. The three words that most strike fear into the hearts of men. (Okay, not really, but they should.) I pushed the latch to open up the little door to reach my gas cap...and nothing happened. I tried several times, but to no avail. Drawing my sword (ice scraper), I hacked at that stupid door for a good ten minutes before I gave up. What to do? I couldn't very well just go home...hell, I probably didn't even have enough gas to even get back home. So, feeling very much like a prat, I walk inside the gas station to ask them for suggestions. They send out some guy who hits it twice, and that damned door snaps open. Too relieved to feel as stupid as I should have, I stammer out a "thank you" and proceed to fill the gas tank...

...at $1.50 a gallon. Hooray for state tax increases and inflation. Flushed with success and $15 lighter, I re-embark on my treacherous path to destination #2...

The rental office. Reaching this landmark proved the most difficult part of the task, as that part of town didn't really seem to be plowed at all. Walking up to the door, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell on my ass in a rather undignified fashion. Therefore it gave me a small morsel of satisfaction that I used check number 666 for the rent. My landlord deserves to be cursed for not adequately shovelling the walk. Well, maybe not. :)

However, the evening is not a total waste, as I made a new style for my friends list...and I have a new icon! Oh yeah! :)

atroposmoirae @ 2002-12-24T12:44:00

2002-12-24T18:04:56Z

I heard this song when I was driving around today...it very much reminds me of him. I used to say "hey now" all the time when we first met, and he'd start singing this song (since that preceded the Smashmouth song that inevitably would result now). I still have it on my computer. The thing is...it brought up so many memories, but for once, it made me happy, and not sad.

I'm finally healing. I may be lonely, but I'm not alone. Reading someone's journal today (I'm not going to say whose) made me realize how lucky I ~~was~~ am to have dated someone so wonderful...that never meant to hurt me and still wants to be friends despite my erratic (and dare I say, bitchy) behavior since the breakup. I'd do anything to have him back...but it's not worth it to lose him as a friend.

I submitted my resume to a bunch of websites today, though I'm running out of places to post that fine piece of kindling. :P Less than two months until eviction, but I'm doing my best to stay positive.

Merry Christmas and all that. :) [fidget]

I really wish some people would do the whole Christmas thing and come back already, I'm bored out of my skin. There's only so much literati I can play here, people. :P

atroposmoirae @ 2002-12-23T14:41:00

2002-12-23T19:51:39Z

I feel good today. [dance]

It seems, therefore, that I'm as fickle as ever. Highs and lows, lows and highs. I always seem to feel best right after I feel worst. Maybe it's just the relativity...feeling less lousy therefore equates to walking on air. Whatever the reason, I'm enjoying my improved outlook...and doubtless, so is anyone that has to cross my path. :)

I adore Monday night television. Stargate from 7-11 does quite a bit to improve my mood (plus there's Star Trek from 11-12). Delightful.

I'd be watching M*A*S*H right now, but it was pushed back to make room for some crappy FX movie. The two hours I watched this morning will just have to tide me over for a bit. So I'm watching the Brady Bunch. [hangs head in shame]

Incidentally, I'm terrifically bored and I need a project, preferably one that involves programming in some way. I'd make another webpage, but I can't think of any content...I'd change my journal style but I just made this one! :)

Hrmm. Off to think of something (remotely) productive to do! Or at least something that will kill a few hours until the decent television comes on. ;)

Whether the weather is hot...

2002-12-18T23:33:25Z

I bundled myself up and stepped outside today, bracing myself for the inevitable bite of arctic air...

...and it never came.

It was nearly 60 degrees today. In Indiana. In December. [blink]

I'm not complaining, mind you! It was splendid. I even rolled down the windows in my car, just because I could.

Now if it would only storm...

Off to dinner and then Lord of the Rings.

atroposmoirae @ 2002-12-16T20:54:00

2002-12-17T01:58:55Z

(Finally) changed my journal layout...it is quite boring, but functional, and definitely not as...loud? If you didn't see it before, close your eyes and picture how a blue and green disco ball would look if you had vertigo. :)

I haven't been online much lately, nor have I felt like being so. Just in a "bleh" sort of mood that doesn't seem to be lifting. That could have to do with a lot of things, but I'm not really in the mood to conjecture.

At least Stargate is back on Monday nights. Rawr.

atroposmoirae @ 2002-12-12T19:35:00

2002-12-13T00:48:26Z

I finished my game! :)

In my spare time, I'd been writing a text adventure to keep me occupied, and I uploaded it today! If you wanna play it you can find it here.

So far it definitely works best in 1024x768 resolution and better. I have plans to make it work for other resolutions, but that's going to take more work than I planned so...that is going to have to wait a bit. :)

Oh, and incidentally...I didn't know what to name it...

View Poll: Name my Game! :)

Stability is stagnation and I am not your rock...

2002-12-08T01:57:21Z

I am starting to get a bit antsy again. I used to think that I would be happiest if my life were stable and predictable, but I don't think that's what I want anymore. I'm not happy with the way things are going, but I've grown much too complacent to do anything about it.

It's very frustrating.

I'm frustrated with myself, and I'm frustrating those around me. Nothing is more exasperating than someone who is miserable and doesn't do anything about it. I've convinced myself that anything I do is going to fail anyway, and even knowing that's no excuse for extended apathy isn't doing nearly enough to get me off my ass.

On the plus side, my neighborhood looks fairly Christmasy. And snowless, of which I approve. Snow looks pretty enough, I just don't enjoy driving or trudging through it.

In summary, big thumbs-up to Christmas decorations and goodwill and cheer. Emphatic thumbs-down to apathy.

atroposmoirae @ 2002-12-03T13:38:00

2002-12-03T18:36:12Z

I taste like Nuclear Waste. Delicious.

Tasting like nuclear waste is a good thing - nothing bites me, nothing eats me, few things even touch me. I appreciate the solitude my harsh exterior brings. What Flavour Are You?

If your hair and teeth are falling out and you're growing a second head, that's probably my fault. Sorry. :)

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-30T21:51:00

2002-12-01T02:59:59Z

Dearest, dearest city of Lafayette, Indiana:

I forgave you your fickle, unpredictable weather. And I forgave you for emptying the dumpster just outside my window by dropping it from roughly two stories up (at eight in the morning).

But blowing up houses? Tsk. This is a few blocks from my apartment building. Nothing like knowing your city starts its own explosions.

"...the operation came to a halt after the excavator tore away the home's gas meter, and its one-inch service line unexpectedly began spewing natural gas.
'It was missed; that's all I can tell you,' Fire Chief Jim Morrow said of the live gas line, the stress of the past two days showing in his tone."

If my carelessness had endangered a whole neighborhood, I imagine I'd be a bit overwrought myself. :\

I'd always thought I heard a lot of sirens because I live somewhat near the fire station. I had no idea it was because Lafayette has such an unquenchable thirst for arson.

For shame.

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-27T23:42:00

2002-11-28T04:50:00Z

Tonight...

...I realized people *can* fall out of love.
...I realized I'm therefore not a person.
...I drank the night sky through a straw and spit out the stars one by one.
...I saw myself as the perpetrator of a thousand crimes rather than the victim of just two.
...I felt an apology rising in my throat, but then realized I had no one left to give it to.
...feels like it might last forever.
...I wished I weren't alone...
...and realized why I am.

And what then, of tomorrow?

Dear me...

2002-11-25T16:18:39Z

This is rather distressing.

lol, you have to give her credit for being inventive, anyway. But surely there must be a safer, easier way...?

Not to mention that I'm willing to bet Slim-Fast tastes a little better.

This is rather amusing too. Instead of getting anything remotely productive done today, I think I'll just sit here and enjoy the marvels of the internet. :) Productivity be damned.

Things I've learned watching four consecutive hours of Star Trek...

2002-11-25T02:11:23Z

1. If there is an away team with no main characters, they will all die. Furthermore, this death will be a painful and horrible one.

2. Similarly, if there is an away team comprised of both main characters and extras, the hapless extras will meet with unfortunate ends while the main characters escape with cuts and bruises, soon easily mended with a tricorder.

3. Travelling through space is rather reminiscent of a Windows 95 screen saver, except:
a) you can't adjust the star frequency
b) you run the distinct risk of coming across an alien race with a complete lack of fashion sense and bad haircuts

4. When saying the words "engage" or "make it so", a camera will come from nowhere in order to get an extreme close up of your face. In the case of "engage", it is absolutely imperative that you raise your right hand and point forward. A bad French accent is a plus, though not essential.

5. All important moral lessons are accompanied by a swell of orchestral music.

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-19T11:53:00

2002-11-19T16:50:44Z

Happy birthday, zoidal!!!! :D

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-15T11:47:00

2002-11-15T16:55:34Z

Long day yesterday!

Worked 7-5 and dragged myself home. Talked to Jessica and we decided to go swimming. Showered and dragged myself to the co-rec. We swam, somewhat more than last time, and didn't talk about going commando. ;)

While there, I learned that it was Matt's birthday and they were going to the Cactus to celebrate. (Neon Cactus = local bar. Classy joint, in case you couldn't tell by the name.) ;) The Cactus has this room where this charming fellow they call the "piano man" (how inventive) proceeds to sing and play songs and make fun of people. Well, Jessica and I got called out because we weren't singing along. So we had to stand up on our chairs and since I still wouldn't sing the rest of the room had a rousing chorus of calling me dirty words. ;) lol it was all in good fun and I had a good time, actually...even though I loathe public humiliation. I do a good enough job of embarassing myself, I don't need to pay someone else for the privilege. ;)

I left somewhat early because I was exhausted, dragged myself back here and went to bed.

On tap for today: More swimming, and Harry Potter. If I can somehow convince my legs to start working again. :)

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-12T07:01:00

2002-11-12T12:06:38Z

Taco Bell last night was delectable...TB never disappoints! However, they have a sign hanging on the wall behind the register, just under the menus, that I found somewhat distressing.

Proudly displayed in large, capital, bold-faced letters:
TACO BELL
WE WASH AND SANATIZE OUR HANDS.

Well, I'll be darned, do you really? I should *hope* so. That they felt the need to reassure me actually undermined my confidence. Would you go to a surgeon that had a sign on his OR reading: "WE STERILIZE OUR INSTRUMENTS"? Would you solicit a "woman of the night" (humor me on this one) if she wore a sign that said: "I DO NOT HAVE ANY STDs...ESPECIALLY NOT HERPES"? No, I thought not.

Of course, none of this kept me from snarfing down my two taco supremes as soon as they hit the tray. But that went without saying. ;)

Random musings...

2002-11-12T00:39:30Z

Went swimming at the co-rec with Jessica today, for the first time in a long time. Months of sitting in front of the computer stuffing my face seems to have taken its toll...who'd have thought? While there I realized something: why is it the girls exercising there are the ones that don't need to be? I swear no one I saw today (except when I had the misfortune of passing a mirror) wore greater than a size four. Humph. And here I am, shakin' all that junk in the trunk.

I can at least take small comfort in the fact that the sight of me in a swimsuit probably gave someone nightmares. ;)

But I digress. Indiana is *supposedly* the fattest state, and the one with the most rampant heart disease or something (which would make sense to have those two correlate). So why aren't all those people at the co-rec? Because it would make me feel better, that's why. :P

After that sorry display, Jess and I were walking back to the car, talking about, of all things, "going commando". And I happened to be saying (in my loud way), "I don't understand *how* people can go without wearing underwear," when I realized there were two guys standing right there, both of whom sharply turned their heads. Refusing to settle for just looking a *little bit* like an ass, I had to turn to them and say, "Yeah, hi there."

They didn't even answer. :)

Time to go get some Taco Bell (and replenish any calories I *might* have burned, and then some) and watch Jessica do laundry. :P

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-04T21:35:00

2002-11-05T02:43:14Z

Fun with Googlisms!

10 of my favorites:
stacy is crazy
- Uh huh.

stacy is dirty
- You know it. ;)

stacy is taking off her sweater and exposing her nipples to the cold air
- ...I am...WHAT?

stacy is a joke
- [sob] Don't I know it.

stacy is in primary colors
- I am strictly red, yellow, and blue.

stacy is the 1
- Yes, but the 1 what?

stacy is finer than any other diva ever
- Like, totally.

stacy is not the easiest thing for me to do
- Well, of course not! I mean, I have standards...

stacy is driven to find the owner of the unusual blood
- It consumes my every thought.

And my all-time favorite...
stacy is powered by 3 892 turbo charged diesels providing 1800 hp for more fishing and less riding
- Anyone that knows me can tell you, I'm all about the more fishing and less riding! Um, yeah. ;)

Fun with roommates...

2002-11-04T14:05:19Z

Ah, dorm life.

Deamonizer42 (8:54:59 AM): i have to wonder what my rommie was dreaming about last night. in the middle of the night, he mumbled out "when i touch there, i touch...", and as if that isn't funny enough, at came out almost like he was singing it :-)
atroposmoirae (8:55:10 AM): lol

Nothing funny like that ever happened to me when I lived in the dorms! One of my roommates would grind her teeth in her sleep, and another one would flail about like she was drowning. I get the distinct feeling I missed out. :)

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-03T07:57:00

2002-11-03T12:56:56Z

In a much better mood today. 10 hours of sleep and a few hours of just general idleness seemed to do the trick. I'm fickle, what can I say? :)

As I have a lot of free time coming up, I intend to play a considerable amount of Diablo II and watch a lot of M*A*S*H and just relax in general. And maybe read. :) I got Cat's Cradle when I walked to the library last week, and I have yet to get a chance to break into it.

Delicious idleness...this is how weekends are *supposed* to be spent. :)

atroposmoirae @ 2002-11-02T11:42:00

2002-11-02T16:42:45Z

Worked only a few hours this morning. That was kind of nice. I really need the money, but I can't bring myself to work enough to make it. [shrug] I'm deluding myself if I think I'm going to get a job anytime soon, it seems. I did end up sending my resume to that one company like I said I was going to, and the person never wrote me back. Which is just as well, as it saves me the trouble of botching the interview. Heh.

It'd be kind of nice if, just once, I would do something right. Or if something would turn out right even if I do it wrong.

No such luck so far.